Friday, January 13, 2017

More Delusional Idiots

The ads from the dudes on the online dating sites aren't any better, but they usually hire somebody who can string along two sentences instead of the lazy shit that happens on Craigslist.

It stands to reason if a guy is at all desirable, he wouldn't need to advertise. Furthermore, the guy is a total asshole if he makes ridiculous demands on women, like this one who obviously has some kind of fetish:

I come to Craigslist from time to time to read a lot of odd stuff I see to get a chuckle. But I find myself curious as to see what type of lady would actually respond. I would imagine that there are other divorced, educated professionals like me reading these postings as well. So I'm thinking why not take a chance. What harm could it do?
What I have learned from reading these posting over the years makes me list out a few ground rules. If you're not willing to send a picture of yourself taken within the last thirty days don't waste your or my time. If you are married, still emotionally attached to another, not truly available please do not reply. If you are currently homeless, out of work, trying to get your children out of foster care, have a serious mental health issue or drug addiction, I send you the best wishes I can offer but please, don't reply. If you are extremely overweight, recently had gastric bypass surgery, lap band surgery or installation of the sleeve, just lost a hundred pounds with another hundred to go, have so much excess skin that we can create a second person out of you then please don't respond. If you are covered in tattoos, piercings and try to act like you are in your teens or twenties please don't reply.
You might read this as being judgmental and get defensive but it's not. I have no problem with anyone who fits in the above category. I have close friends with all of the above. I just know what I am looking for and who I am attracted to. I really don't want to waste your time.
No I don't want anyone perfect. I just want someone who is perfect for me. I have way too much to offer and I'm not willing to settle. I much rather be single than be with someone I'm not one hundred percent interested in. You deserve someone who wants all of you, not just part of you. Also, I am not any of those things listed above either so I want someone comparable to my lifestyle.
I'm a wanting a companion who dresses nice. Who enjoys being a lady. Colors the gray in her hair, likes makeup, perfume, lotion, painted nails. But also be down to earth, approachable, sweet and kind. If you have had a few kids and are self conscious of some sagging and stretched out skin in certain areas please don't worry about that. We all have our battles. I'm far from perfect.
I'm not tall. I'm not thin. I'm not gorgeous. I'm not rich. I am attractive, not a fat lazy slob, very active, kind, caring, loving, honest, monogamous. I'm charming, have a nice sense of humor. I am cultured and educated. I have a secure job and earn a comfortable living. I have no problem making friends or attracting women, I just haven't found the right lady for me so I am trying this to leave no stone unturned.
So if you're not mad at me for being honest about what I am looking for and not looking for then please reply so we can have a dialogue to see if we are a potential fit for one another. The nice weather is around the corner and I would like to have a partner in crime, jk, to enjoy the sunshine with.
Give someone you love a hug today and remind them they are important to you. We all know someone who needs to be reminded of that. Don't wait until it's too late.
Enjoy the rest of your day. Thanks for taking a couple of minutes out of your day to read this.

Sure, you have a lot to offer, you jackass. You wouldn't be running an ad if you did.

Another functional illiterate is desperate for a woman:

LOL normal on cl i dont think so at least i havent found it they run ads either dont answer or there some sex site sign up employee,,i think nev turned em loose and they came here to CL..'if theres a chaance your sincere i will try name is jim i am 6ft4 195 hazel eyes been divorced 5 yrs have not been with a women in that time..i own a floatinghome in the calif delta,,like fishing darts cards pool sports baseball football racing if someone was here to share it with dining out going to live music in old sac..i am looking for LTR no drama nogames no bs i have been alone long enough and if we talk and connect would you relocate to the delta by *****,,,send a pic if interested thank you jim...jim on google hangout

Thank God I gave that dating shit up a long time ago. It is downright frustrating, even dangerous, now.

Edit: I found this little gem in the "Rants and Raves" section:

To all you married men here in Southern Oregon and parts of Northern Cal.
Instead of always looking for another guy to fuck your ass, becouse it is such a pleasure for you, why don't you buy a strap on dildo and have your wife fuck your ass with that. Just think of all the time you be saving and lesion the chance of getting a STD if you can do this.
I live in Medford for 6 years now and so many men I, thought where totally straight had ask me to
butt fuck them it really do disgust me to no end. I know I am good looking and so many women as well as men have put the moves on me, so I guess you just can't help yourself in asking to have sex with me. I have turned so many men down around here becouse I don't swing that way and by having a guy ask me that ruin good friendships and that is I ever wanted in guys, not sex.
So a good solution to your problem just mite be to find your self a good dildo, so you and your lady can have fun on learning how to use it. Then you can leave me alone.

I hear there are a whole bunch of people in Congress who are willing to do the job. Ask Paul Ryan.

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